Evoking my spiritual self in the midst of human experiences, particularly challenges, usually involves havoc. Somewhere along my daily routine, time passing into weeks and sometimes months, before I enter into the deepest awareness of my frailty before God. Usually, there is an approaching monumental uncertainty requiring, yet another miracle in order to overcome the impending hurdle. Inevitably, Divine Providence extravagantly provides. Hindsight leaves me questioning…that was easy, why do I waste precious time fretting over the seemingly impending dread of the oncoming requirement of faith?
…An example: In 2003, when I crossed over the threshold of our property in Paxton, MA (where, in the near future, we will build our new monastery) I knew my feet were standing upon the place of my future home. The challenge—we had no source of revenue, other than donations, which was a cause of financial struggle. Yet after a twenty-minute walk, a brief discussion with the community members who accompanied me, we made the decision. This property was meant to be the home of our monastery. Well, this might sound like a nice story, however, the situation called for $600,000. Ouch!
Six months later, after lengthy negotiations and lots of prayer, I had in hand a signed Purchase & Sale agreement. There after, every day for five months, during my time of silence and solitude, I sat in the rocking chair of my bedroom, feeling a sense of dread. What did I get myself into? Am I crazy? Jesus—how are You going to provide me the money?
When the day arrived to pay for the property—Divine Providence provided. One would think, if God can provide in that situation, why worry? The abridged version: I am still learning to trust God. However, the subsequent hurdles get larger as time passes.
Why am I slow to trust in Jesus, when He has been extravagant in generosity? Once again, I am in heart-stop-alley, waiting on the Lord.
Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, a French Jesuit visionary once said we are not human beings having a spiritual experience, but spiritual beings having a human experience. Obviously, my spiritual being is beckoning to exist beyond the confines of my mind.
